When Faced With Major Decisions, Look Inward

When faced with a major career decision, it’s important to listen to yourself and ask the right questions.

Emily P. Freeman, New York Times bestselling author, advised the audience to look within themselves during her morning keynote address for the REACH Women’s Conference on April 23. “Sometimes the temptation is to start asking everyone for advice and looking everywhere except within ourselves,” she said.

Freeman’s talk drew upon her book How to Walk Into a Room: The Art of Knowing When to Stay and When to Walk Away.  Using the metaphor of a “room” to describe a major decision point, “walking out of a room” might mean leaving your current company in order to embrace new stage of your journey.

Freeman shared her own story of co-founding a successful side business that provided coaching for writers. Several years later, however, it was taking too much time away from her primary business. Yet she struggled with the decision to exit a business that she had helped to create and build.  

When there are no obvious outcomes, making a major decision can feel like driving through fog, unable to see beyond a few feet in front of you, Freeman said. She suggested three places to start:

• Listen to your limitations. We often feel resentful of limitations and think we shouldn’t have any, yet they are a part of life. Instead of expending energy fighting against limits, ask yourself questions such as: What is creativity asking of me in the midst of these current limitations?  “The sooner we accept some of those things we cannot change right now, the freer we will be to access creativity in areas that desperately need our presence today,” Freeman said.

  
  

• Listen to your questions. Some may automatically come to mind, such as “How bad does something have to be before I’m allowed to leave?”  or “What if I leave and everything falls apart?” Other helpful questions might be: “Did I choose this room, or did it choose me?” and “If I had it to do over again, and things are as they are now, would I pick this room again?”

  
  

  When considering a new opportunity, it is important to trust your instincts – particularly any red flags you see. “A mentor once told me: Tiny red flags never shrink; they only grow,” Freeman said.

  
  

  Sometimes the matter can’t be decided entirely in your head, she added. “Sometimes to know what to do next, you have to make a move in a direction. You have to start small and celebrate your progress. Sometimes you have to ask yourself, ‘What is my next right thing?’ not ‘What is the only right thing?’ … Every decision we make is really just one next right thing after another.”

  
  

• Listen to what is bothering you. It is normal for big changes to stir a mix of emotions. When she realized she needed to walk away from her business, Freeman said, she was deeply sad. At the same time, though, she realized that “just because you’re good at something doesn’t mean you have to do it forever. And just because you changed your mind doesn’t mean you chose wrong in the first place.”

A little introspection and curiosity can help reveal what you really want and need before walking into that next room.